Paying Attention

PNW flowers shot in 35mm film, circa 2018

Paying attention—

A phrase so common, so often uttered (especially by adults to children), the true depth of it may be easily overlooked.

Our attention, our time, is one of our most precious resources. If not THE most precious.

One we cannot get back.

One we will eventually run out of.

I have been thinking a lot about what it truly means to still our minds, be present, put blinders on to the millions of other stimuli constantly vying for our attention, and instead placing it intentionally on one singular person/object/task/experience— what a rarity that is.

How bad I am at doing that at all, let alone consistently.

But indeed, often the highest form of connection and closeness to another being or thing or experience in this world, is to give it our full and undivided attention.

A scenario that I am sure we can all relate to is of course that of the friend who has their phone continually in their hand or on the table when you spend time with them, vs. the friend who keeps it in their bag or car and out of sight.

The feeling of spending time with the former vs. the latter is very viscerally different. We also tend to mirror whatever is presented to us in the way of behavior, being the social creatures that we are, and so often our best intentions can be derailed by someone else’s lack of intention.

Ironically, I am very guilty of this with those with whom I am closest. Especially because so much of my job involves me being on my phone. Especially when I am away from the shop.

It’s easy enough for me to not be that friend for an afternoon, or a singular coffee date, but to not be that person continually and repeatedly with Owen or my family— much harder.

I think it is within those comfortable relationships we most often revert to subconscious and even passive behavior. Habits that do not always serve us or the people we are with to be sure.

Additionally, I find over the years it has become harder and harder for me to sit with one thing.

I am a chronic multitasker, and easily distractible. I have a million ideas, and plates spinning at once, and to-do list items within a day, an hour, a minute that I must check off right-now-all-at-once.

I have been trying, so very hard, to be better at this practice of fully giving my undivided attention to whoever, or whatever is immediately in front of me.

And I find that the times that I am able to do it, end up being some of the richest experiences, the most vivid memories and the most enjoyable moments.

I also find there is an almost sighing, a releasing, an easing back into what almost feels like my true and most centered self, when I do this.

A kind of “oh, there you are” sort of feeling. Like this is how things are meant to be.

Even the practice of writing this, just sitting down at my computer and typing out these thoughts, feels like a kind of sigh and ease of tension due to the commitment I made before starting to paying this essay my sole and undivided attention.

Altogether— a thought path to wander down for the day.

In what ways can we exchange this, our most precious resource, in the way of our time and attention, for the greatest reward?

The reward being perhaps slightly different to us all, but really in essence it all boiling down to— what does it look like to live and experience an intentional life?